Entry Four
One of the most effective ways to minimize unwanted pregnancies is to change the current mentality about children, which is not very favorable. Children are not often seen today as blessings, but rather as financial burdens, hindrances to the adult lifestyle or (insert your favorite reason children are a drag).
As a homeschooler, I am home all day, every day, with my three children, and I can't tell you how often I have had other women tell me that they could never spend all day with their own children. Why in the world would they rather be anywhere else? I think in part, this may be because of the trend in society towards extremely permissive parenting, meaning that more and more parents are raising undisciplined and bratty children. My children are certainly not perfect, but on a normal day, when my hormones are not at their nadir, they certainly do not make me want to pack up and leave home for 10 hours each day.
The media certainly doesn't enhance our view of children, especially their financial impact. Several times every year I come across some article telling people that they can expect to spend some astronomical six-figure sum to raise each child to adulthood. The problem with these figures is that they are assuming that the cost of hospital births, fancy nurseries, day cares, sports uniforms, designer clothes, extravagant christmases, college tuitions and (insert your favorite modern "need" here) are somehow inherent in the childrearing process. My oldest is 11 years old, and including her homebirth, which cost 2,000, I can honestly say we have not spent more than 7,000 (if *that*) to raise her, and that is including medical expenses, purchasing thousands of books for our homeschooling purposes, etc.
Family life itself has been all but shattered in modern times by the rise of the institutional mindset, which includes the almost universal acceptance of working mothers, government schools and extra-curricular activities. Most family members of all ages routinely spend huge amounts of time away from their homes, building relationships with peers at the expense of family closeness. The alienation between adults and their adolescents can be directly traced to the peer mentality that dominates the lives of most children today, as their most important beliefs, interests and relationships are forged outside of their homes, in schools and by popular culture.
So much more could be said on this very important topic, not least of which is that many people are once again turning away from the anti-child mentality and embracing large families and home-centered lifestyles. This change of mindset is the most important component in ending "unwanted" pregnancies.
posted by Craig R. Harmon at 6:31 PM
4 Comments:
I wholeheartedly agree with Samantha. So much of the prevailing attitude in our culture is anti-child. They are looked at in some way as a burden. Even to many couples who love their children dearly, the idea of another child is a huge burden in their minds.
I speak from personal experience here as I am a mother of 3 living children that are all less than 15 months apart in age and another one coming, who will be just as close in age. My first child was born just a little over a year after our marriage. I went through quite a struggle to learn that my life is not my own. My life is a gift given to me by God and I need to submit my will to His own. And His will for me appears to be to have many children. I can not do anything to change the fact that He worked through our "preventative measures" to not get pregnant again. 2 of my children were unwanted, the other 2 were wanted but not particularly planned. In any case, it wasn't until after the 1 unwanted child was born that I realized why God gave him to me. And it wasn't until after I was already pregnant this time that God completely changed my heart to accept my children as the blessings that they are. I could live my entire life wishing my life was different and longing for my children to be grown and gone, or I could LIVE my life with the children I've been given and LOVE them and do the things with them that we want to do as a family. I choose the latter. At the end of my life I know I will look back at it knowing I made an impact on the lives of my children - not just lived a life selfishly for me.
This discussion is, indeed, getting off topic. Perhaps this indicates area's to explore in the future. I am loath to stop the discussion because the participants have mannaged to remain civil and insightful. However, perhaps we should stay with discussing 'ways and means' rather than morality.
Economics, on the other hand, plays a large role in a discussion of abortion. I consider discussion of ways to lessen the economic burden of bearing and raising children to be a valid part of a discussion of the question at hand.
Thanks to everyone who has participated (and hopefully, will continue to do so) in our discussion. I, for one, am learning a lot, not only from this current discussion but from all of our discussions. I therefore give us all a congratulatory pat on the back! You make me very happy that I began Continuum.
Samantha:
I think your figures are off. Your 11 year old has been alive for something in the region of 4000 days. The differential cost of an extra serving of dinner is not large, but I really doubt you pay less than $1/day for her food.
I imagine that she has a bed, probably in a bedroom. You need to count your extra housing costs because you need a larger house.
You did mention books, but I don't think you could really have bought "thousands" of books for $7000.
You can clothe her relatively cheaply - nobody needs Baby Gap, after all.
Samantha:
Oh, and I see neither of us mentioned the elephant in the room of child-raising costs, which is of course the cost of either having one of the child's parents not working for several years (plus subsequent lower income due to lack of career advancement) or the cost of childcare. These costs dwarf any sums that you actually spend on a child.
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